HOW TO FIND YOUR PURPOSE IN MIDLIFE

March 21, 2018May 14, 2018Leave a comment

New research shows that a sense of purpose in life is important for midlife and older adults, not just for kids.

BY JILL SUTTIE | MARCH 8, 2018

My youngest will be going off to college next fall, meaning I’ll soon be an empty nester. After having raised my kids for the last 22 years or so, a large part of my purpose in life will leave along with my son.

I know I’m not alone in feeling both sad and panicky about this big shift—a lot of other people face similar feelings. We wonder what life will be like and what we will do with ourselves once our kids have flown the coop.

One possibility is to renew our sense of purpose.

Having a purpose in life means caring deeply about a goal that you are willing to work toward achieving—often to help others or affect the world in some positive, productive way. Researchers like Kendall Bronk and educators like Patrick Cook-Deegan have done a lot to understand how we foster a sense of purpose in adolescents.

But what about older people like me? Do we need a sense of purpose, or should we just sit back and enjoy life? For young adults, the world and their possibilities seem wide open—college students embark on a career path, and young parents start their families. How do we find a sense of purpose after we’ve had the career and raised our children?

Though purpose may seem like it belongs to the realm of younger people, evidence is mounting that having a purpose is important throughout one’s lifespan. Researchers are finding strong associations between having a purpose in life in adulthood and better physical health and well-being down the road. Their findings point to the need to foster purpose in older adults, especially in those who may find themselves adrift after children move away or post-retirement.

Not only could encouraging a new purpose in life result in happier, healthier midlife adults, it could motivate older adults to use their gifts for the greater good—thereby benefitting us all.

Why older adults need a sense of purpose

The physical benefits of a sense of purpose are well-documented, says Eric Kim of Harvard’s School of Public Health.

Using data from the Health and Retirement Study at the University of Michigan, he and his colleagues have found that people who report higher levels of purpose at one point in time have objectively better physical agility four years later than those who report less purpose. There is even a “dose response”—meaning, for every jump in purpose scores, people were 13-14 percent less likely to experience physical declines in grip strength and walking speed.

Though initially skeptical that purpose could have this kind of an impact, Kim is now convinced otherwise.

“It’s very interesting to see how this construct of purpose—which has long been discussed by philosophers and theologians—is associated with all of these benefits,” Kim says. “It’s not counterintuitive to me anymore; though it is when I present this kind of research to cardiologists or other scientists.”

Patrick Hill of Washington University’s Purpose, Aging, Transitions, and Health Laband his colleagues have also found important advantages for more purposeful adults, including better cognitive functioning and greater longevity. They’re more likely to floss their teeth, exercise, and get to the doctor.

“Perhaps because people with purpose have an overall outlook regarding the importance of their goals in life, they take care of themselves better,” Kim suggests.

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There’s probably something else going on, too, says Hill. He points to an unpublished study where researchers monitored people daily to see how stressful events in their lives affected their stress levels. Those people who reported having a higher sense of purpose felt significantly less stress and anxiety after a stress-filled day than other participants—a finding supported by other studies on purpose and decreased stress reactivity.

“If you have a day in which you experience a stressful event, maybe those stress events aren’t influencing you or impacting you as much if you have a purpose,” he says.

Are some purposes better than others?

Does it matter what kind of purpose we pursue? The answer so far is yes—if you are older.

Hill points to a study done with college students whose goals coalesced around four different categories. On one side stood goals that aimed to help others—that is, “prosocial” goals. Others were artistic, and some were simply more self-oriented: financial goals or recognition and achievement at work. The researchers didn’t find significant differences in positive outcomes between the groups. It was just good to have a goal, no matter what it was.

“There are benefits to living a life of purpose even if it isn’t deemed to be focused on helping others beyond the self,” Hill says.

But there’s an important caveat for older adults. That same study found that students with a more prosocial purpose experienced benefits later in adulthood—namely, greater personal growth, integrity, and generativity—a marker of purpose tied to well-being. This suggests the focus of one’s purpose may indeed make a difference down the road, as you age.

Researchers at Stanford are starting to dig into that question. In a soon-to-be published study, Anne Colby and her colleagues surveyed almost 1,200 Americans in their midlife about what goals were important to them, offering choices that were focused beyond the self—like improving the lives of others, building a better community, or teaching what they’d learned to others—and choices that weren’t—like strengthening their financial situation, pursuing sports or hobbies, or continuing their education. They also measured their psychological well-being, including their levels of empathy, wisdom, generativity, gratitude, and happiness.

Next, they interviewed over a hundred representatives from the survey in depth to find out how engaged they were in pursuing those goals and the impact this had on their lives. Colby found significantly higher well-being in people who were involved in pursuing beyond-the-self goals, compared to those who were pursuing other types of goals. In other words, engaging in prosocial goals had more impact on well-being than engaging in non-prosocial goals.

“To get very high psychological well-being from being deeply engaged with others and transcending the self, that’s a well-documented impact,” says Colby. “We saw this clearly in our interviews, too: Those who were purposeful beyond the self said their lives were filled with joy and happiness.”

Colby doesn’t know whether having a beyond-the-self purpose affects physical health, though, as her study didn’t measure health changes over time. But when she asked people about their current state of health, she found that, contrary to popular belief, poor health was not a barrier to having a purpose beyond the self.

“It’s not that purpose makes no difference to health,” says Colby. “But people whose health was not good for different reasons were still able to be purposeful.”

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While her results on well-being sound promising, they are not Colby’s main concern. She believes it’s important to study beyond-the-self purpose so we can understand how to engage people in caring about others and the common good—not because it makes someone happier or healthier.

“The fortunate thing is that you don’t have to choose between sacrificing yourself to make the world a better place and well-being,” says Colby. “In fact, it’s the opposite: You gain and the rest of the world gains at the same time.”

How to foster purpose in midlife

While this research continues to evolve, it’s unclear whether purpose can be taught to adults in midlife or whether it develops naturally over time. But Kim suggests purpose can at least be enhanced.

He points to programs designed to increase purpose in older adults and cancer patients that have resulted in greater health and well-being. Though this research is fairly preliminary, it suggests that purpose might be enhanced through specific therapy add-ons.

Connecting people to volunteering can help build purpose, too, says Kim. He points to a study where randomly assigning older people to tutor schoolkids increased their feelings of generativity in comparison to a control group. Plus, it benefitted the students, too.

Colby agrees that volunteering can be an entryway to purpose, and says there is a lot of research supporting the benefits of volunteering, in general. However, she also warns against seeing volunteerism as a panacea.

“Sometimes volunteering can be deadening. It needs to be engaging. You have to feel you’re accomplishing something,” says Colby.

Jim Emerman, a collaborator of Colby’s, agrees. He is the former CEO of the American Society on Aging and current vice president of Encore.org—an organization devoted to studying and advocating for purposeful engagement for midlife and older adults. Encore.org not only helps match adults to opportunities in their communities, it also educates organizations and policy groups about what older Americans have to offer.

“Older adults are a growing population with a strong motivation and desire to actualize those feelings, to become a force for good in their community,” says Emerman. “Too often, institutions devalue them, or they’re entrenched in ideas about what old age is about and set up obstacles.”

This is particularly ironic, given how older people often have a renewed sense of freedom when their kids have left home or after they retire. They may finally be at a point where they have more time to pursue purposeful activities and find that too few value their contributions.

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Emerman would like to change that.

“We found that around 31 percent of our group [from Colby’s survey] are pursuing purpose, while another 20 percent have a strong desire for purpose, but something is holding them back,” says Emerman. “That’s a lot of people who could be giving back to their community if given the right opportunity.”

How can someone find that opportunity? Often, people just need to be asked by someone they know to step up, says Emerman—but many are not asked. Their workplace goes out of business or they leave, and there’s no one there to help connect them to something else, he says.

“If supports were more widely available, it would help more people who are on the cusp of engaging with purpose do so,” he says.

Still, adults in midlife might not want to wait around until somebody figures out how they can plug in. If you’re an older adult and you long to contribute, he suggests using online resources, including Encore.org, to see where your interests take you.

“The key things to think about are: What are you good at? What have you done that gave you a skill that can be used for a cause? What do you care about in your community?” says Emerman. “Those questions really help one focus.”

This article was originally published by the Greater Good Science Centre.

About the Author: Jill Suttie, Psy.D., is Greater Good’s book review editor and a frequent contributor to the magazine.

I GOT FIRED (BY A GIRL) AND I, EVENTUALLY, LIKED IT

November 14, 2017November 14, 20172 Comments

A quick succession of close but momentous events meant that in one fortnight, a few necessary chapters closed, at the exact moment many others opened for business. If I didn’t live through it myself, I wouldn’t believe it to be true. Even now, only some few weeks later is it all beginning to sink in. As expected, these changes are uncomfortable, exciting, and exactly as they should be.

For the path that I drafted was not to be. It is an unpredictable life and it was frivolous of me to expect that things would play out with the miraculous nature that I had once hoped for. But change without a plan is foolish so it was with the best of intentions that the original endeavours I set out to conquer, were established. If you’ve been following along, you would have ridden passenger for the ups and downs that have been the last seven months of my life. Or, ‘life after corporate’ as it is more affectionately labelled.

It was in two minds that I made this leap. With all the blind confidence I could muster, I made big plans to change the world and continue the journey I had begun of pushing the ’emotional intelligence’ agenda to those in need and questionably, those not so. On one hand, I was full of steam, motivated by the momentum garnered from a series of awakenings. On the other hand, I now realise, I sub-consciously expected it all to fail as it did – in all of its splendid, mundane and underwhelming glory. I was not prepared, I had not planned (as much as is needed when throwing one’s stability away), and I was not yet free of the conditioning that the prior 18 years had placed on my working, and consequently, daily mindset.

I toyed with different routines and routes, but I was still unravelling. It’s a dangerous place to be because your conditioned expectations leave you clinging to familiarity, to safety. Growth is meant to be uncomfortable. If it was easy, everybody would be pressing the eject button. The world needs you to stay comfortable. To stick to what you know, or what you think you know. Wake up, caffeinate, dance for the money, rinse, wash, repeat. Don’t ask questions, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Unless you dance on weekends, or away from your family, or in dangerous places; then yes – you get the extra clams. Kudos?

So as mentioned, the money/plan eventually dried out. I did what any semi-sane person would do and I applied for a triage of roles that ranged from unwarranted to downright out of my league. I landed in the sparkliest one I could find and pushed hard for a role that I thought was equally challenging and exciting. It scored extra points for tickling my ego in a fickle industry. I gave it my all and quickly remembered that my capabilities were greater than my confidence alludes to. Some big red flags came up quickly. I verbalised them within my private network but vowed to go on. I had stayed in my last workplace for almost six years. Leaving within a month was unfamiliar territory that I had not prepared myself for.

I had many personal victories in the role and I took these as a sign to keep going despite the noise in the background. But’s that the thing. When the noise is a person, a manager, an owner; you can’t just wish it away – as I did. It was gutless of me but I didn’t want for confrontation any more than I hoped that everything would just work out. I voiced my concerns in a manner of ways which were both constructive and unconstructive. But in the end, it didn’t matter. The alarm bells were ringing, the red flags were flapping, and the sparkly option was beginning to show itself for what it was – a polished turd rolled in the most tremendous colours and coruscation.

And it was with this attitude that the best decision to be placed on me consequently occurred – I was fired! I felt immediate relief. Followed by a sting of pain. A hit to the ego, a shot fired into the rationality of the irrational situation I had placed myself in. A sadness for the loss of customer relationships I had made, and for the successes, I had achieved. But mostly, a relief. There are always two sides to every story – yours, mine, and the truth. But, I can assure you; I was both a lot better and a lot worse than this story tells. ‘Irreconcilable differences’ are what the divorce papers would say, and I couldn’t say it better myself.

So, it is with the low-lows that we, the people of hope and good vibes, await the high-highs. And what a surprisingly short wait, this one was. It was on the very same day of the private flogging that I received good news from one of the faculty from my University. A high distinction for both my final assignment and overall grade in Consumer Behaviour. The irony is not lost. “I’m very impressed with your academic maturity and approach to this assignment. You should seriously consider taking further academic courses to MA if not your initial plan, or beyond if it was! This assignment clearly demonstrates your deep understanding of CB theory and I feel your analysis and application is excellent. Great work. Well done.” Dr. Thornton – Lead Tutor.

Literally three days after this emotional rollercoaster, I get a message from the international team at Airbnb Experiences. That beer and food tour I proposed for shits n gigs – grew some hairy, hop-loving legs! Airbnb are launching this extension of their business in Melbourne, and after hustling to get all my ducks in a row; I pitched, nailed it and am very much looking forward to hosting the inaugural ‘Beer + Bites’ tours in Melbourne, later this month. They say do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life….and well, I am pretty fond of beer.

But between kicking a few goals academically and entrepreneurially, I was still left with a gaping hole in my capacity, schedule, and wallet. Re-enter Vivo Marketing, stage left. I have been working with a good friend and colleague on her business since she celebrated a successful first year of strategic and executional marketing consultation (post an impressive slew of big corp and FMCG experience). As the business changed and evolved, my involvement weighed up and down depending on need and desire. The fluidity has been a welcomed relief around other commitments that had very little.

Almost as if it were meant to be, a new phase of growth in the business literally appeared the week the axe was swung. More importantly, opportunities to use my strengths and dabble in my passions became more present than previously possible. So, it is with this new opportunity that I will focus on my love of strategy, people management, and my absolute favourite – brand aesthetics. Working alongside a small business owner who is flexible and open to ideas, has a growth mindset and is not wedded to things that aren’t working, is well, such a great trait of a true leader. I hope we grow the shit out of this business together.

I wish that was all I have to tell you but the truth is there are even more doors opening. Things are on track (a slower track, but a track nonetheless) for my co-working space to launch early 2018. The furniture is in, the art is up on the walls, and the space looks amazing. It is a complete turnaround from what is looked like six or so months ago. The website is coming along (slowly) and as soon as the photos are complete, it will be time to advertise, interview and open!

But wait, there’s more. No, I’m not even joking and you don’t get the free steak knives…just yet. We’re nearly there.

My emotional intelligence and ikigai missions continue their lifelong journeys, as promised. The difference is that now they occur at a much slower and targeted pace as their manifestations continue to evolve, adapt, or die off. This fortnight of possibilities continued in its fortuity with the national broadcasting commission putting out a call for new podcast ideas (yes Aussies – the ABC). I have been brewing on my idea since I got together with you all to head over to MIT last year. That is, I want to open up the conversation about people’s purpose, their reason for getting out of bed in the morning, their ikigai. I want to explore the thousands of different jobs, careers, and callings that people get dressed for and head out the door to, each and every morning. I find out whether this concept has any shtick in December. Cross all your fingers and toes.

Look, we’re at 1496 words so I must be getting close to the end, right? Right! I want to leave you with a bit of information that I learned recently from a ground-breaking study completed by UC Berkeley psychology professor and expert on the science of emotions, Dacher Keltner. He and Alan Cowen, a doctoral student in neuroscience also at UC Berkeley have discovered that human emotions span a spectrum of 27 distinct dimensions, not 6 as previously described. Moreover, in contrast to the notion that each emotional state is felt in isolation, the study found that “there are smooth gradients of emotion between, say, awe and peacefulness, horror and sadness, and amusement and adoration. We don’t get finite clusters of emotions in the map because everything is interconnected. Emotional experiences are much richer and more nuanced than previously thought’, the pair discussed in a recent article.

Doesn’t this just fill your head with so much curiosity?! We have such a long way to go in terms of understanding, communicating, and learning about the full spectrum of these human emotions. With more focus here, we can begin to uncover the next waves of human evolution which will come from understanding ourselves and our fellow man better. Heck, even the implications for user experience and business are beyond our current realm of capability. It’s an exciting time for this discovery.

If you were on the edge of your seat…wonder no more. The 27 human emotions, are – admiration, adoration, aesthetic appreciation, amusement, anger, anxiety, awe, awkwardness, boredom, calmness, confusion, craving, disgust, empathic pain, entrancement, excitement, fear, horror, interest, joy, nostalgia, relief, romance, sadness, satisfaction, sexual desire, surprise.

Ok, you made it. Well done. It’s a lot to take in. I am truly a multipotentialite in every sense of the word and as such, it is time to stop with the incessant application of safety net options. It is time to go it alone, to seek the road less travelled, to adopt a reasonable answer to the increasingly tricky question, “what do you do?”. But that is the least of my concerns at this moment because for the first time in a long time, I truly feel both happy and content. I run my own timetable, work with a variety of wonderful people, feel challenged daily, move my body lots more, drink way less, work fewer hours, and am much more productive overall. I’m literally like a beaming ray of fucking sunshine in this moment. I am a better friend, a better wife, a kinder person to myself, and a more conscious citizen.

2018 is going to be a big year, for us all. Watch out world!

ZB xx

*Cover Image: Winston the Whale, Final Image: Lisa Larsen, 1949

CHAPTER 153: A CHANGE IN PACE

August 25, 2017Leave a comment

Life has slowed down. But it is not quiet. It is filled with a plethora of activity, both old and new. Some of it is useful, a lot of it – undecided, and a fair portion; utterly useless. The full-time sabbatical has come to a halt but the transformation from it, still very much underway.

I have come to enjoy my own company so much more in these past few months. Perhaps, too much. Who can be sure? What is the ‘right’ amount? I struggle to remember mundane memories from the past but I’m quite sure that I was never fully relaxed for days on end with only myself for entertainment. It turns out when alone, I am a multitude of the human experience. I am frequently lethargic and sloth like, creeping from room to room searching for motivation and action but more often finding pacifiers for my monkey mind. But I have this clarity over that time like never before. In fact, it has come to my recent attention that this constant fatigue I face may not be within the realms of acceptable. And so, with this extra time – I have been able to spend more time with the experts to try to understand what it is I have done to my body. Or, what in fact, it is doing to me.

For the first time in the longest time I can remember, I am starting to have a positive relationship with my body. No, not that heebie jeebie body love stuff. We are a long way from that. More so; a foundational awareness of its capabilities, downfalls and underlying connection to everything else that I identify as myself. I’ve come across a fascinating amount of research that supports my recent discovery that the body carries more of our mental scars that we give it credit for. The physical scars are obvious; weight, immune system, digestives, physical marks/aches/pains from wars past. But the mental scars on the body are not as obvious. In fact, mine were so well hidden under a busy job, largely intoxicated social life, and sheets of depression – that I never considered the symptoms that now seem blindingly obvious.

Me owning the shit out of…something.

Just like those of us who suffer from stress or trauma-related bruxism (excessive grinding or jaw clenching), it turns out this unconscious and unrelenting muscular grip can appear across many places in the body. I’m sure many of you can relate to excessive tightness in your neck or upper back when you’ve had a particularly stressful week. Now imagine this pain all over your body, for years on end. It’s exhausting. This ‘muscle-armoring’ puts your body in a permanent state of fight or flight. This may come as a surprise to those who know me. I am usually found in a constant state of chill. But Bessel Van Der Kolk was bang on when he said that ‘the body keeps score’. Consciously and unconsciously; it most certainly does. Have a go. Clench any of your muscle groups as tight as you can for five minutes and tell me how you feel. Tired, exhausted, in pain. That’s just the short-term stuff. The unbelievable part is that I have been in physical pain for so long but the mental and emotional pain was so intense that I disregarded the aches in my body for an unbelievable amount of time. They just became a part of everyday life, albeit a skewed one.

Ah, the body. An amazing organism that needs much more credit than we ever care to give it. So I have found a yoga studio that is unlike the many I have been to before. To be honest, I’ve practiced yoga very infrequently over the past 10+ years. It never really ‘grabbed me’, so to speak. I mean, not much exercise did. I wavered through many rough battles of a hate-hate relationship with the category. It didn’t come natural. I didn’t enjoy it. I was too far into my own mental anguish to care enough about the physical benefits. Then I layered on every other excuse on top; no time, no money, no motivation, no hope. But life is not black and white, and although I am not even halfway on my journey, I have learnt that it is possible to have a different relationship with something other than love or hate. I no longer hate exercise but nor do I love it either.

Like all habits, growth, movements, progress – the change occurs in the grey space. We must adapt and evolve, or sadly; die. My money, motivation and time has come and gone but now I work with what works for me. I sweat the small stuff that leads to the big changes. I do my strength training with a trainer. And now, I do my yoga in a community and friend who are supportive and nourishing for my being. Also, it’s heated, and it turns out – these bones NEED warmth. I look forward to going on a winters morning. Who says that about winter, morning exercise?! I never thought I would. So anyway, this practice is good for me. It is fast and sweaty, and I am fully in my body during class. And then, it is peaceful and purposeful because the teachers and the community make the mundane memorable.

I have a new-found appreciation for meditation. And no, I am not ‘there yet’ either. Yes, I would like to practice it more, be better, sit stiller. But that is not the only point to be made. Meditation isn’t some Everest-type climb where you get a gold star at once you reach the top. It is becoming comfortable with your practice today. In whatever state it is in. It is a perfect reminder to get our heads out of a future that has not occurred yet. I think it would be beneficial for me to create a daily habit here but again, I am only but a human on a continual journey not a leaper of peaks and pinnacles.

I discovered this building in the middle of my city. It’s always been there. I think I’ve even walked through it. But I’ve never really noticed it until recently. Noticing things is great.

One of the other things I do now is learn more. Unstructured, informal learning. I used to feel so guilty about this. Like I was wasting my time. And I can see how many people would still see it that way. I am not learning to achieve a certificate or a qualification (and lord knows, I could do with a few more). There is no real goal or end state. It is just learning for learnings sake. That is, to grow as a human being and expand my mind and perceptions of myself and the world around me. I am not forced into specialisation or specification. Nor am I bound in a fruitless game of memory against those advantaged and disadvantaged so. For me, structured and academic learning has predominantly taken the ‘fun’ out of learning. The one size fits all methodology enables these foundational teachings to hit the widest audience but unfortunately it has then stunted, in a perpetual cycle of box ticking and slow progress.

Yes, I am still completing my Masters but I made the right decision to sit this current unit out. I completed the unit’s content across two undergrad subjects I did last year but the powers that be will not credit a postgrad unit with two very recent and well scored undergrad subs. Don’t even get me started on the practical workplace skills I have to cover this unit either. Let’s just say, I dodged a bullet anyway. This unit got more than half the enrolled students up in arms about its excessive workload, lack of any real learning, and complete cluster-fuck of responses from the University in question. Seriously guys, if you’re gonna keep charging people in this country $40,000+ for a two-year postgrad degree – you sure as hell better make it worthwhile.

I digress. Back to the elephant in the room. Yes! I went back to paid employment. Why? Because I wanted a new challenge, I wanted to work for someone great, I wanted to try a new, smaller company environment, I wanted to work with great products, I wanted to interact more with customers, I wanted to create some structure in what had become a very unstructured lifestyle. It took time to find the right place. If I told you some of the things I got rejected for on the way, you’d laugh…in horror. But my heart wasn’t in a lot of them and it showed – in my multiple failings. All for a reason though, right? Absolutely. I have landed a role that is sufficiently challenging, fast-paced, freeing, rewarding and opportunistic. And it is quite possibly the last direction I thought I’d find myself in. But that is exactly where I need to be. The obstacle is the way. To growth, pain, progress, discomfort, joy, fulfilment and oh, it’s PART TIME.

Who wouldn’t want to work at a place that sells things like this. Collection: We Go to the Gallery

I have this unbelievable balance in my life at the moment. In an average week, I:

Work in the office a few days
Do some work from home
Study formally or learn twice as much informally
Move in my body through yoga and strength training
Eat out and socialise with new friends and old
Listen to copious amount of music which I have learnt is a MUST for my soul
Slowly chip away at my future ventures – a coworking space, media plans, boutique accommodation ownership, becoming an ethics teacher…and so much more
Spend quality time with my husband; cuddling (yep), talking, eating naughty things, living, laughing and loving the shit out of each other
Go to cheap and free appointments at student clinics – I’ve had some serious wins
Explore my local neighbourhood and all it has to offer; who knew these places existed on weekdays also
Sleep like a mofo – many hours, many days
The biggest thing of all, is a lot of the time – I DO NOTHING.

Yep. Sweet-fuck-all. And it is GLORIOUS. So I’m totally not quite there yet with the guilt-free aspect on this one but that hasn’t really stopped me anyhow. I walk around the house with messy hair, in my pyjamas or gym clothes and pause for an impromptu one-woman dance party. I sing really, really loudly, often. I even have a karaoke mix which gets a fortnightly belting. I sometimes Marie Kondo (excessively organise and minimise) stuff that has been sitting there for years. I roll the skateboard under my feet while sitting at my desk looking at pictures of dogs. I water the household plants far too infrequently. I talk to the fish. I cried when one died this week. I hadn’t cried in so long.

Yes, a picture of two alpacas. What of it?

I connect with people across the world despite spending much less time on social media. I have never turned the TV on during the day in 6 months and I am a better person for it. I read. I sometimes find this unbounded motivation to do great things with my mind and my body. I think, a lot. I also don’t think, a lot. I do crosswords. I plan ahead. I miss trams and trains. But I don’t rush. I am conscious and polite in public. I have this magnified awareness. I feel sad for the state of the world then positive for the state of the youth whose relationship to the world and people is much better than previous generations. I’ve learnt so much about international politics. And not through biased news channels. I am an open mind. I sit in the sunshine as often as I can. I buy less things. I don’t cook very much still. I enjoy vacuuming. I’m learning to be a better sober friend. I’m fairly new to this. I still drink. If that’s what you were wondering. Sometimes it’s awesome. Sometime’s it’s not as awesome anymore. But that’s ok. Seasons change. Thanks Future Islands. Great song that.

I’ve obviously reached the limit of my logical thought (really?). Basically life is currently both up and down with a shitload of middle-ground spread in between it’s thick and juicy slices. I am not entirely comfortable at the moment nor am I in any discomfort. Which is nice. I would like to write more. And talk more. I really need to start that podcast or doco. One day.

Look at all of these people. Aren’t they great. I bet you there’s more good people than not out there. Let’s stop celebrating all the knob heads.

Until next time. It’s just you and me kid. Not the world or the politics or the bullshit. It’s just you and me. So be kind to yourself and each other. Let’s show those ‘cants’ that we’ve got this. Good will prevail.

Peace x

CHAPTER 89: THE STRUGGLE ENDS WHEN THE GRATITUDE BEGINS

June 15, 2017June 28, 20172 Comments

I’ve yearned to write a new post the past few days. The struggle is getting real, the hurdles aplenty and the pain bodies continue to call out my ego despite my efforts to muffle them. But it is not in my being to write another post about the strain. I will not feed it or humour it, I will not give in to the easy route. On the occasions that my mind is still, I am reminded that the overwhelming driver of the past three months has been a place of peace.

There has been a new baseline of living. Completely separate from the physical realms of things like financial wellbeing, my overall presence has been, well; better. I am conscious not to use the word ‘happier’ because I don’t think it’s accurate. Happiness is a state that I aspire to as much as the next person but it is just that; a conscious awareness of such. This place I have been spending more time in is different because it occurs mostly unbeknownst.

In this place of unconsciousness, of being, I have been free. Free to breathe deeper breaths. To sleep in a few more minutes after a restless night. To read pages of a random book. To take in the colours and smells and sounds of my neighbourhood. To take longer showers. To sometimes, not shower at all. To eat less. To feel the sunshine on my body more. To undertake an intense period of learning. To make mistakes and have the space to understand how not to make them again. To cook a meal. To do laundry and vacuum and dust – and enjoy it!

Literally a picture of me studying in the sun last week.

Surprisingly, and perhaps to the concern of my therapist, I have thoroughly enjoyed the absence of routine. It’s a double edge sword because I know routine keeps me at my ‘most polished’. But, for the most part, I have really loved – not being polished. There will come a time when the pendulum must find an equilibrium but until then – it’s a natural-faced, messy bun, Birkenstocks; kind of life. Which is quite freeing in itself. There is a good reason why Obama and that-Facebook-guy wear the same thing every day. It’s so their decision-making muscle is reserved for more important things throughout their waking hours. How great is this. What an effortless way to contribute to stemming fast-fashion. Minimalism at its’ best.

So you know, after my loose morning routine, I start proceedings by working on the things that I feel most closely to that day. Deadlines influence, as does weather, and funds – but besides that, the day’s to-do-list is what I make of it. My life has slowed, dramatically. There is no rushing or missing out or clashes. I was even early for a meetup with friends the other day; I had to call my husband to share the moment. I now look at events on weekday evenings, and consider them instead of instant dismissal. It has opened up this whole other world of activity. None of which is obligatory. So I attend some and not others. It is no big issue. But it is fulfilling. Like I am seeing more of my city and its possibilities. Feeding more time into my interests. Even the insignificant ones. Like visual feasting on Pinterest. Or wasting time but not mind on suduko and arrowwords.

I am grateful for the people in my life. They provide support and understanding, friendship, growth, and fun. There are those whom without their presence; the journey of life, would not be so enjoyable. There is an ease that is unexplainable. It provides an unconscious inner comfort that could never be brought or inorganically manifested. And for reasons I am yet to understand, our communication stays active despite my conscious fear of answering the friendship phone (yep, sprung). They fill in the gaps that I create and our time together is none the wiser when we are in each other’s presence. They make life worth living and I couldn’t recommend a better bunch of people to any soul in search for a soothing song.

Who could not love this mad bunch?!

Which brings me to the Unicorn. I find this one the most difficult to describe because our time together has provided a somewhat rebirth for me. Combined with the long and hard hours I spent bettering myself prior, it was by the grace of the universe, that this human and I were brought together after many years of distant acquaintance. This was to both of our surprise. And once seen, it could not be unseen. So, it was with dreamy hearts that we began our journey together. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that, for the most part, we have spent the last six and a half years together being very stupidly, madly and happily in love. Do we have a secret? Is there such a thing? I think it helps to marry someone open-minded who loves you more than you love them – both ways. Together your selflessness will continue to burn bright no matter how big the hurdles that make tracks in front of you.

But it is not without reason that I have left the big picture till last. Sometimes I forget it’s significance and importance but mainly, it’s presence never leaves my side. It is my purpose. My ikigai. My reason for being. I am grateful that this current time in my life is an uncomfortable push. A shove. A hard boot up the ass. To find a closer pathway that is my calling. It is in the discomfort of the past few months that I have had to dig deeper and continue to unearth the new road on this lifelong journey. It has twisted and contorted. Sometimes feeling ugly and uncomfortable, it has risen again shedding the heaviness and beholding bigger and better places of beauty. It is through this process that I have come to lose a few balls, a few marbles and a few unstable paths. But all for reason.

So as I continue to search for that role that fits like a glove, I push on with my side projects and passions which may inevitably be that match. I am not in control of very much these days but I do have assets. And seeing as I cannot seem to get rid of them (despite my best efforts in some cases), it is time to take my lemons and make the best damn limoncello that this town has ever seen. I am literally in the process of selling all the old shitty furniture in my apartment and swinging in some jazzy new stuff (thanks interest-free). I am turning this unused, light filled, open-aired hunk of a space into my next chapter. Insert ‘Ontwerp Huis’.

Meaning ‘design house’ in Dutch, this space in inner city Melbourne, will become the new permanent home to eight designers or ‘ontwerpers’ as they will be known. I really do love working from home but feck me, it can get lonely, boring, isolating, distracting and on some days – a little bit loco! What I truly miss about the corporate world is a team to bounce ideas off, to share the lows and celebrate the highs with. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve already brought the Friday-night-drinks trolley – it’s the tits. This permanent workspace won’t be like any others you’ve heard of or been too. For it would be remiss of me to open a workspace that reverted to the old rules of the game. Practice what you preach, right?

Ok, so maybe not this fancy – but close!

A governing set of ‘Huis Principes’ will guide the family. Productivity is king and the pomodoro technique will be a daily fixture. The office will be paper-free for the most part, coffee will be offsite, and the biggest advancement is that we will only be open 4 days a week. Because progress. For you; the individual, the business owner, the entrepreneur, the ontwerper. And for society; your families, your friendships, and your community. It is a forced day out of the office and into your clients world, your places of inspiration, your home without weekenders or your ‘third space’ – a café or library or local place that completes your (scientifically proven) productive triangle.

Holy crap, that feels good to share. Like the rest of my life, the website is ‘under construction’ but I will share the love as soon as it’s complete. In the meantime, if you know any absolute-fucking-legends (no more, no less) who own their own business, are designers, or entrepreneurs, or just need to work outside of their corporate office a bit more (but still get shit done) – then please send me a message, text me, or call me (I’ll pick up, promise). I’m looking for an all-star cast; no egos, no bullshit, such a bunch of rippers looking to shred through their own next chapters in epic form. Introverts, extroverts, feelers, thinkers, black, white, LGBTQFD, whatever the fuck you are – if you are someone who works hard, respects the people and places that surround you, and doesn’t mind a cheeky Friday night vino – then, this one’s for you kid!

Yours in eternal gratitude,
Zig B x

Chapter 54: Decision Time

May 10, 2017May 10, 2017Leave a comment

The strangest thing about not working is being accountable to yourself. There is no one to answer to. No one to instruct you, guide you, discipline you. It is a huge lesson in self accountability which sits strangely alongside a stream of honour. It is an honour to live your life freely. To immerse oneself in the human-ness of being. To feel the ups and downs in all their rawness and to not be shrouded in modern-day ailments such as tiredness, busyness or exhaustion. This freedom is as exciting as it is terrifying. With all this head space, more questions arise than answers. What does my perfect day look like? What do I actually want to spend my time doing? It’s as if all the hopes and dreams that made up your escape plan changed form. Suddenly, and without notice, you are engaged in a game of Guess Who – except the faces are your future plans. It is on this board game that you are presented with a number of turn offs. It seems like more than before but really these options have always been there. It is your perception that has changed. In taking off the corporate cloak, the comfort and familiarity that once clouded your view has disappeared, leaving a clear runway awaiting your next move.

So what are these options, you may be wondering? Well let’s start with the most obvious and socially acceptable one – go back to corporate. Head back to the grind, the office, the desk job, the emotionally contained, the safe, the well paid, the Monday to Friday, high pressure, high performance , instantly rewarding; 9 to 5. The obvious drawcard is the financial security, followed loosely by the structure and sense of leading with direction. Management set tasks; I complete tasks; I am rewarded with a sense of achievement. I’ve been amazed to find how much I miss this fickle sense of accomplishment. Tied to it were my hours, my energy, my effort, my time away from the things I loved, and time away from my human-ness. When you put it like that, it makes complete sense that I wrapped up a sizeable portion of my self-worth in these endeavours. Though, too often I would think about the worthiness of it on a larger scale. Am I actually any good at this work and is there opportunity for growth? Am I passionate about this, do I really love the tasks? And then the ever-growing elephant in the room; is what I am doing contributing to the greater good in the world? I can tell you now, often the answer to these was a resounding ‘no’.

The next option was a ‘think-less’ job. A few shifts per week, non-corporate, low stress, low responsibility. A ‘job’ rather than a ‘career’ type role. It has merits. The obvious one, again, being dollars in the bank (though perhaps not so many as the prior option). But the flexibility of its unstructured nature would allow some level of breathing space to commit to other more purposeful side projects. Depending on the field, this job has the potential to bring…joy! Maybe even fun, connection, and who knows what other invaluable qualities. But herein may lie a self-placed-trap. This option may provide a outlet to hide away from progress and moving forward. A cozy, noncommittal option to waste precious resources such as time and talent.

Which brings me to my next option and the one many of you have been waiting for or perhaps expecting; the passionate entrepreneur. There I’d go – skipping down the road, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. With a suitcase full of big and bold ideas and a taut stomach ready for the onslaught of start-up punishment. My heavy head appears tilted as the depleted left brain is outweighed by the right; drowned in a sea of failures, pivots and empty pay cheques. It is a continual dig into an endless mine of possibilities. Lump of coal after dirty, filthy; lump of coal. We fill the lorry in the hope that one of these days that big shiny diamond will appear and make this often thankless expedition all worth it. This lifestyle is a volatile one. A mix of hard work, finding the right people, and an unwavering commitment to solving the worlds biggest and most immediate problems. I am reminded of the sizeable amount of personal effort this option requires.

Which brings me closer to the option with the least amount of strain. It is none of the above. For me, anyway. It is the last and final option and questionably the most confronting. And no, it is not the dole line, albeit tempting. This option is financially unstable. Structurally insecure. It is not guided or managed. There are no VCs dying to invest and there are no key performance indicators providing clear metrics. There is no immediate reward or socially acceptable management structure holding me to account. There will be no reward or disciple depending on my outcomes. Yet somehow, there are still be a number of pro’s. There will be a strong need in this pathway to continue to self-structure, lead and hold oneself accountable. It is comical that as a highly functioning species, this self-regulating option is such a foreign one. It’s as if we have been taught to colour in the lines but can only do so when being supervised.

You’re still not catching what I’m throwing, are you? I get it. I sound cryptic. It is time for the big reveal and I am being coy, stalling almost. Perhaps I am afraid of what you’ll think. Or afraid of my own harsh judgements, of the reality of the situation. Because even as I try to put into words what this fourth option entails; I, myself, struggle to find the right title. The right explanation. The right position description for a role that really does not have one. As I boxed myself into my former roles, it was easy to provide a title. Manager, Coordinator, Co-Founder. Though the titles rarely described the actions undertaken, they did allow you to form some sort of image in your mind.

But this last option, potentially my most purposeful prospect yet, is well….beyond titles. It is not within a scope or confined to a few sheets of A4 paper. Yet I must try to translate but a section of its capacity if I’m to bring closure to your wondering minds and bring hope to my ailing heart. So here goes. From one angle, I guess you could describe my new purpose as a STORYTELLER. You may think of it as a writer, an author, a sharer, a thinker, a philosopher, a different perspective, a teacher, a word sleuth. From another angle, it will take form as a PRESENTER; a visual communicator, a mass media patron, an appealer to those that will listen and an interest piquer for those who may not.

For I have come to understand that my well wishes to teach a good few may not be as fruitful as the capacity of scale that is held within film, video, audio and the written word. If successful, our messages have the potential to reach the unreachable. The moving image is downloadable, transferable, scalable, discussable, and most importantly, thinkable. I have avoided being seen for long enough but I no longer care for my ego ruling my life decisions. I will park the fears of judgement, the appearance issues, the anxiety beast, and the kicking and screaming ego to one side as I focus on getting across the right message to the right people. I want to continue on the “ikigai” journey and scour the globe for those meaningful stories that bring us all hope. What are the most resounding reasons-for-being and what gets people out of bed, happily, in the morning?

See I told you it would be complex. But I believe in your capability to think laterally. And I am beginning to believe in myself. That my purpose is to guide and connect. To bring people together and to highlight our commonalities and humanness. Though they do not come regularly, my words come freely and I hope they provide some thought provocation for those patient enough to stop by. But it is truly the verbal expression where the greatest impact lies. Discussion, conversation, facilitation. The face to face immersion in all its non-verbal glory patiently awaits these stories to be told.

I’ll be sure to get something on the side to pay the bills because well…LIFE (the house didn’t sell)…but hey, what’s it all for if not for trying. So I’ll film a few pilots. Write a few stories. Interview a few wise and weird folks. I’ll give this unforeseen pathway a chance to breathe and see if we can grow it into something tremendous. It might be a slow burn or perhaps alight much quicker but either way, at least it’ll be enjoyable. Choose a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life – right?

ZB x

Chapter 31: A New Dream

April 5, 2017April 6, 2017Leave a comment

And so it came to pass, that the aspirational lifestyle no longer served its purpose. It was time to move on. To regroup together as mind, body and soul – and ask ourselves what was giving us energy and what was draining us so. Together we twisted and contorted, turned left and then right. We got angry and frustrated. We got depressed and empty. We did our very best to squeeze our square little selves into the roundest of round holes. Although the roles began as somewhat fulfilling, the long-term sticking point came from the people. There were laughs and banter. A collective common as we fought to utilise our greatest strengths and squash the bits that strayed outside of the lines. We rode the highs together and we bonded strongly during the lows. We flowed together as a pool of conflicting personalities – all heading in the same direction but crashing and rebuilding through our own personal rapids. We worked hard, we were accountable. There was a pride in our work, our product. There was an openness of speech and humility in response. There were people driven by ego and there were lots that were not. I enjoyed it for the most part but it was time for growth, autonomy and new connections. It was time for the next chapter.

I never wanted to work in “corporate” growing up. I never dreamt that I would spend 5 days a week sitting on my ass in front of a machine that would dominate my every waking hour. I never dreamt that life would become a chore – a never-ending day of the same routine. Wake up tired, drag myself to some sort of physical activity, transit amongst other sick and depressed looking people, work passionately and longingly to build someone else’s dream – usually Shareholders of some sort – go home exhausted, not effectively communicate with my husband, drown out the pain with low functioning TV or aspirational personal work till the wee hours, toss and turn through the night with ghosts of lives past, rinse, cycle, repeat.

God. When you put it like that, it’s a wonder I ever made it out of bed at all. And to be honest, most days I barely did. I was a walking zombie. One for whom coffee was not an option. I couldn’t even drug myself to function on the required level. So one day I decided to sleep when I could, in the morning. And so I started a bit later and my productivity levels and serotonin drastically lifted. Once I got past the judging looks of those early risers and at worse, my own inner demons – I didn’t look back. Feeling more balanced that I had in years. It was a credit to my final managers that this change in routine was never questioned. Finally an evolution in perception, where the quantity and quality of work completed at last outweighed the insignificance of hours in the chair.

My corporate alter ego – Zombie Rob.

So if this was never the dream, then why was I here so many years later? Well, why do you think? Remuneration was not a desire but a survival factor. I was out on my own, paying to put a roof over my head at 17 and food on the table which no longer magically appeared each time I sat down. I had started in different industries but a series of unfortunate events had led me to the environmental and financial stability of the modern working office. I was lucky enough to work for some fun brands, national and international icons but at the end of the day, once you have spent enough time anywhere – it is no longer about the sport, the art, or the fun – it becomes about the bottom line. Or sometimes the poor management. Or the archaic patriarchal structures that has served these companies for generations past. I dug my heels in occasionally, speaking up for change and fairness. I was met with looks of shock or admiration depending on the evolution of the individual. It was often empowering. Often disheartening. Often frustrating. Efficiency, workplace progression, fairness – these were all things that the machine did not have room for. Unless you had a fancy title, then suddenly these words had more power. Or at the very least, the person’s hearing them, heard them with more intensity.

I can hear the chip on my shoulder as my thoughts spill out. I would be lying if I said there was no damage done. But it is not for me to blame an individual, a team, a company, or the social and business structures that have allowed our world to revolve around an economic model that has left us modern slaves to high salaries. The perfect picture has been painted in this lucky country we call Australia and it involves coming home late to your children and losing contact with your friends because you no longer have the time or energy to give back to yourself. We put so much of our energy and effort keeping the beast turning over. We feed it our blood, sweat and tears so that it can continue to grow year on year. For it can never be big enough. It can never stop growing. It will never grow so large that it self implodes, spilling out expired executives and oozing out the skeletons of the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed people that entered so long ago.

Or will it? We are at the start of a global revolution where the user-generated economy is taking an axe to previously dominated industries. This wave of startups and change makers finally have the technology to harness a scale that was never before possible. And as it does, not only will there be a somewhat re-balancing act of the ants and elephants…but it will allow the next wave of workplace robots to evaluate what they value most and hedge their bets accordingly.

I hedged some great bets. I was gifted safety, security, stability. I had some truly great workplaces, worked with more capable people than I care to remember, attended some great events, led some big projects, and made many people feel supported directly or not. But with every action comes a reaction and so it has come that my actions and reactions are screaming for change. It is time to try something different. I walked out full of beans. With big plans and a full agenda of extra curricula activities to maintain momentum and continue on the path of saving the world from itself through education and evolution of the mind.

The new dream – how good are burritos!

It is less than a week into this new life before the first hurdle strikes. The reality that an overly ambitious deadline has been long missed is accompanied by a hasty reminder that hopes-and-dreams are no match for execution-and-action. So after a few days of mixed emotion and energy resetting, I find a present moment where I can be grateful for the space to do this. To allow the natural timeline needed for the ups and downs of life is but the greatest gift of all. There is time for healing, energy for physical and mental exertion where only you are the beneficiary, there is an openness and a longing for awe – something large in scale and nature to take our breath away and remind us that our problems are not so but thinking makes them this way.

In a “normal” set of events, we would rush through these moments – parking them in the back closet along with those elusive “stress” responses, our deepest fears, and our greatest ambitions. There is no time to consider these things as real and unique to us. There are presentations to build, children to feed and idiots in the traffic to yell at. Our energy is great in its form but it is constantly projected out to those we work for, those we love, and those we love to hate. We give this energy willingly because it feels normal. But it is us who have normalised it. We have chosen paths and words and responsibilities that mean we will forever be tied to offloading our energy for the benefit and detriment of those around us.

But this energy is ours. It can be harnessed and utilised. It can be focused and channeled, and streamlined for our benefit. And when this happens, guess what? We benefit those around us so much more. It is an old sentiment. We know it to be true. But who has time to implement it, let alone give it the head space for implementation? It is much easier to agree and then walk away. Until the next article or study comes out and we nod in agreement again and walk away all the same. Without this time and energy to strategically think about our own lives, we will always continue on the same trajectory. A comfortable path that cocoons us in paid bills, the odd “escape”, and the nice feeling we get when we know that we are colouring in between the lines.

Me post-corporate; not colouring in the lines with my “new addition” (sorry Mum).

So I cannot stay in this openness forever. Or can I? The day will come when I too have bills to pay, where the safety net I have placed below will no longer carry the weight of my living costs and when my husband decides that my old mentality of “spending” is not catching up fast enough with my current lifestyle budgeted for “minimalism”. Maybe on this day, I will be moved to find an intermediate space. One where I do not re-enter the beast and its temptations nor give into a life of debt and social isolation. I have many balls in the air, and am hoping that one or all of them land in a place that brings reward – be it personal, spiritual, financial or inspirational. I would ask you to wish me luck but if I’ve learnt anything, it’s that you have to make your own luck. But I’m superstitious so go on, wish me luck anyway!

Zig x

Collective Helplessness.

February 11, 2017February 11, 2017Leave a comment

The problem with the local news is that it tells a disempowering story. One where we are always the victim. We, the local people, should feel scared, terrified, disgusted. These atrocities are happening in our neighbourhood, in our streets, in our neighbour’s house. And there is nothing we can do. Just be on the lookout, be wary, be cautious.

It is true that these things are happening, yes. But why do we need to know? So that we can continue to be paralysed by fear and so that fear can be used again to hook us in to the cycle of fear. Watch again to see if they’ve caught the killer. Watch again to get the ratings up. Watch again so that the billionaire at the top can take his yacht out in Cannes this afternoon. If the purpose is to inform us, then there are many ways to get a suspects face out into the public; social media being the more obvious place in modern society.

But the sharing of crime and negative stories are not part of a bigger solution. By sitting in the comfort of our homes and watching this daily droll, we are indirectly supporting the cycle of continuity. If we were really appalled by these people, these behaviours, this constant stream of assault and death and horror; then wouldn’t it be more beneficial to support the circuit breakers?

Let me explain.

Mr Smith kills Mr Jones – random attack, assailants not known to each other, Mr Smith has a history of mental illness and violence, and is known to police.
Media goes wild. The attack happened in an affluent area, neighbours remark that they thought this was a “safe place to raise children”, a shot of a nice car driving down a nice street pans away.
We, the public, watch this and immediately react either consciously or subconsciously. Our mind, hearing upon the threat of death races into fight or flight mode.
We take a sub-second check of all the things that mean something to us; our family, our partner, our friends, our safe neighbourhood.
Then we react, rightfully so – fear, disgust, sadness, anger, hopelessness. Another morning or evening news session and another reason for our body to recoil into an unhealthy stress response and cement our victim mentality.

We feel sick, or worst of all, we feel nothing. We are used to seeing this on the screen. It’s a daily story that is the same but usually the characters and the location change a little. We are educating ourselves by watching. We are being presented information that we did not previously have, right? – “News”.

But what is “news” if it is only telling 0.1% of the story. Not lies but not complete pictures either. I mean, last night, one person was murdered in my city. Actually horrific, terrifying, and scary. Uncomfortable to think about. But what about the 5 million that didn’t murder last night? What about the 5 million people that cooked an average meal, watched some shitty reality tv show, spent more time checking their emails and social media than talking to their spouse and then went to bed; tossing and turning for a good 45 minutes before waking up before their alarm went off to the dog barking? What about those stories.

Well, they’re boring, aren’t they. They don’t serve to inform of us any impending danger or give us any new information or entice a certain heightened response from us. But these stories are important. Because we have forgotten them. We have forgotten that the majority of the stories not being told are overwhelmingly positive. That the majority of us are surviving and thriving and cooperating with each other as best we can. Not only does this story need to be told, it needs to be celebrated.

5 million people went about their business today without punching one person in the face. 50,0000 of those crazy fuckers even held a door open for someone. 2 million gave way to another car in a merging lane (still another million who haven’t quite grasped the concept but we are not perfect). 3.5 million walked in to their houses last night and received a hug or kiss within the first five minutes of arrival. This mass wave of connection, kindness and contact occurring between the hours of 6:00pm and 7:00pm sent a huge burst of positive energy into the world and should be applauded.

But instead we focus on the 0.1% who chose not to choose kindness. We give them air time and our energy. Which would be ok if that was energy towards a proactive response. But instead it steals a piece of our most precious asset, time, and takes with it the recoil of joy. Our victim mindsets are cemented and our learned helplessness continues. What if we saw this story of Mr Smith and Mr Jones and got to choose one of the following responses:

Press A – to donate money to this relevant local health service
Press B – to encourage your local politician to put more of government spending towards mental health and police services
Press C – to support your community in one of the following areas of early intervention; domestic violence prevention, increased education opportunities
Press D – to educate yourself further on the scientific findings of this mental illness and what the prime causes such as a neglected childhood really do to people
Press E – to feel worried about your own safety but not worried enough to do any of the above

Or you can Press F. You can vote with your button. You can turn off this skewed bullshit and you can stop lining the pockets of the people who do not care about your welfare, or your safety, or the safety of your children. You the individual garner more power than you know, more power than the billionaires and the government, and the media. But your power is magnified significantly if you use it as a collective. There are millions of you and together you must remember that the future is hope not death and misery. But only if you unplug from the negative vomit being spewed into your minds.

If you really want to know what’s happening next door, look out your window. If you really want to know what happens in your neighbourhood, look at the statistics. If you really want to know what is happening to your fellow humans on the other side of the world, look outside your mainstream channels. Search, seek, hunt for the truth. And then – do something. If you believe that what is happening is atrocious, as it often is, make the decision to become part of the solution. As we take our place as the innocent bystander, we stand as much with the perpetrators as we do the victim.

Change is uncomfortable and it takes effort. Despite this, we all must choose one option. So, if you are unable to press A, B, C or D – then at least press F and spend your energy with that beautiful, average, law abiding majority this evening.

Here’s some “serious news” to give you encouragement, Zig x

Human Flourishing

September 8, 2016November 21, 20172 Comments

Written September 1, 2016

Today I had the best case of Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon that I can remember*. The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon is the cognitive bias also known as the ‘Frequency Illusion’. It occurs when a person, after having learned some (usually obscure) fact, word, or phrase for the first time, encounters that item again, perhaps several times, shortly after having learned it. Arnold Zwicky, a Stanford linguist, writes that, “people who are reflective about language – professional linguists, people who set themselves up as authorities on language, and ordinary people who are simply interested in language – are especially prone to the Frequency Illusion.” I think we all know where I sit on the spectrum…but alas, I defer.

I sit at breakfast this morning in a faraway hotel on the other side of the country. I am surrounded by ageing businessmen and a few early survivors from a sports awards dinner that took place in the complex the night before. To my left is a young woman whose vocal phone conversation gives away more than I need to know about her daily objectives. A voice in my head recognises an opportunity to get ‘presidential’ and offer an introduction. I can feel her pull for face to face conversation as she sits next to me in a big and relatively empty room but my emotional incapability gets in the way and I keep my head down as I busily underline and scribble on the 70-page report in front of me.

My choice of literature this morning is not ‘news’ nor is it ‘work’. It doesn’t even tick one of the twelve ‘homework’ projects I should be completing. Instead I bury my mind in genuine interest and uneducated passion. The fields of positive psychology, policy making and world socioeconomics are taking up my thoughts again, this time in the World Happiness Report 2016. Leading experts across the fields of economics, psychology, survey analysis, national statistics, health, and public policy – describe how measurements of well-being can be used effectively to assess the progress of nations. The report reviews the state of happiness in the world and reflects a recent global demand for happiness to be used as a criteria for government policy. I will divulge my thoughts on the report at a later date but for now I must come back to the Baader-Meinhof thing.

I’m busy salivating over my apple and cinnamon pancakes as I devour the content on page 10 of the report. A word I have never seen before sticks out amongst the mundane – ‘eudaemonic’. I am completely unfamiliar with this term but its context piques my interest as I learn that its roots are in philosophy and its origins tied to the one and only, Aristotle. Here is the passage paraphrased, “…eudaimonic; having such a purpose that would be central to any reflective individual’s assessment of the quality of his or her own life.” What a fascinating thought. I circle the word, write LU (look up) next to it and move on to the pleasures of page 11. My ‘day job’ consumes the rest of the day and soon enough, it is time for me to collect my stray thoughts and head to the airport for my flight home.

The three and half hour flight passes by with ease, soothed by the flavours of wild black fruit in my travel-sized shiraz. We land and the plane rolls around the airport grounds searching for its destination gate. It is enough time to turn on our electronic devices and see what earthly delights await our returning self’s. My emails continue to become a burden as the influx of reading material becomes almost unmanageable, or at least unenticing to become manageable. Delete-delete-save-read-delete. Remind me to hire an assistant when I ‘make it’, won’t you please? Delete-read-save-save-delete-read. I silently choke on the next email as I consider my whereabouts and the distaste for alarmed states. The large green image above beams back at me from the screen and it is hard to pretend that I didn’t notice the ten letters calling out, “eudaimonia” from within. This is a sure relative of ‘eudaimonic’ if I ever did see.

The scholarly culprit is an institute after my own heart; The School of Life. The email announces the release of ‘Untranslatable Words’. This card set is a gathering of 20 of the best words from around the world that our own language has not quite yet pinned down. I envision the deck making its way in to my own household very soon and get back to the feast in front. Here is the passage as it reads, ‘Eudaemonia: Ancient Greek. Often translated as ‘happiness’, it really means the deepest kind of fulfilment, often comprising a flourishing work and love life. It’s accepted that eudaimonia can go hand in hand with lots of day-to-day frustration and pain. You can possess eudaimonia even if you are, periodically, really rather grumpy’. Such a beautiful definition. The word, the concept, the frequency; it is all beginning to dawn on me. But I have bags to collect. Class dismissed.

My luggage is unusually slow to arrive but it does so eventually and I make my way to the taxi line. The car pulls up and I’m immediately remorseful for the weight of my bag when I see the drivers age. The inside of the car is as musty as its owner and I struggle to hold my breath as I keep the window politely wound up in the cold weather. I make sure we are both of understanding regarding the end point and I slip back into the systematic elimination of my emails. Delete-delete-save-read-delete-read. The Ethics Centre, another institution I have a great fondness for (are you noticing a theme here), survives a read in the brutal cull. The content sparks my interest as it is the weekend of the Festival of Dangerous Ideas and as per my previous post, you’ll know that if I could trade my undergraduate learning for something that looked like this, I’d do it tomorrow. I scroll down the email scanning for anything further that keeps this communication from departing my inbox and BOOM, there’s that little fucker again.

‘Ethics Explainer – Eadaimonia or Living Your Best Life’. Three times in one day?! Illusion or not, it was getting a bit strange. Here is an excerpt, ‘The closest English word for the Ancient Greek term eudaimonia (yu-day-moh-nee-ah) is probably “flourishing”. The philosopher Aristotle used it as a broad concept to describe the highest good humans could strive toward – or a life well lived’.

For many years scholars translated eudaimonia as ‘happiness’ but there are clear differences. For Aristotle, eudaimonia was achieved through living virtuously – which you might describe as being good. But this is not guaranteed to make us ‘happy’ in the modern sense of the word. In fact, it might sometimes mean doing something that makes us unhappy, like telling an upsetting truth to a friend.

The eudaimon life is one where a person develops the excellences of being human. For Aristotle, this meant developing virtues like courage, practical reason, good humour, moderation, kindness and more’

So there you have it. The universe/Aristotle has spoken. Eudaemonia is demanding some of my attention and perhaps now yours too. But where do I fit this in? Do I have to take up a 6 year degree in psychology, philosophy, or politics? I have not time nor desire for the outdated formal education system though it would be remiss of me not to devote more time to further deciphering this interesting way of life. Make that thirteen projects…

ZB x

*Pun not intended.

You Can’t Say You Know Me Until…

August 16, 2016August 17, 20163 Comments

I start this piece two days after the MIT Global Entrepreneurship Bootcamp has come to an end. I’m not sure if this is the right time to download my thoughts as they continue to evolve and change daily but it is an important step towards closure as I round out my post-bootcamp ‘come down’.

It’s 1.00am; a clear indication that my circadian rhythm is still erratic post a week of 7.00am starts and 3.00am finishes. Sleep regularity was quickly replaced as a state of deprivation became the new norm. Psychologist’s and sleep experts describe the effects of sleep deprivation as comparable to the effects of alcohol; impaired judgement, reduced functionality, and a misconception that one’s alertness level has stabilised even though performance continues to worsen.

The lack of sleep did not bother me greatly. I am a night owl who can continues to function if I am passionate enough about the work I am doing. I found great difficulty staying alert during the morning lectures though which was of some disappointment. These invaluable windows of knowledge were gifted by industry experts and leaders who inspired and fascinated a room full of closed lids and zombified expressions. We did our best to look alive but the lack of available matchsticks to keep our eyes propped open meant we were not always successful.

How did I get to this place? Who can be sure. Hundreds applied, fewer were interviewed and a small selection from around the globe were accepted. I was one of them. Faced with a burning desire to change the world and grow people’s social and emotional intelligence, I was particularly interested in the potential for disruption in education. I embarked on this journey into Disciplined Entrepreneurship to learn to scale ideas into realities and commercialise what can often feel like an uncommercial sector. What I got was a stern lesson in anti-fragility, teamwork, self awareness and global networking. From a business sense, it was the greatest gift of all. On a personal level, I got a reawakening that both destroyed and re-enforced my original reasons for attending.

Throughout the sleepless week, we formed, stormed and performed in newly arranged teams. This was an exhaustive process as we wrestled with finding the right abilities, passions and personalities to spend an intimate week with. The obvious challenges of age, gender, language and cultural barriers were worked through at surprising pace. The harder lessons lay within individual vs collectivist thinking, varying levels of commitment to a common goal and a pressure cooker of negative, positive, and occasionally BS advice from people that were in mentor roles.

I likened a handful of them to ‘Dementors’ accurately described in the Harry Potter books as those who “..drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them”. They would push us, contort our views and debase our ideas. It was their role to ensure that we left with a robust proposition and an anti-fragile persona. They left me with a bad taste and a resistant attitude as I tried so sort the constructive messages from the bollocks. Luckily, there were more than a handful of advisors that also offered practical advice, clear direction and even, shock horror, compassion. Between the lack of sleep and mental rollercoaster, I learnt that there are many parts of me that make up a fragile person.

At first I hid it. I had taken on the role of CEO in my team and I was there utilise my transformational leadership style. Under the circumstances this was both difficult and rewarding on a daily basis. My team of five comprised of an exceptional group of overachievers whom excelled in a multitude of different industries. An American, an Australian, a Dane, a Mexican and a Peruvian walk into a bar…it had the makings of a great joke and we certainly had many laughs throughout the week (*ho, ho, ho*). We were an eclectic mix from around the world and together we took our ideas and frustrations and formed a team, ironically named Tribe.

My fragility finally gave way on the second last day. The amount of conflicting advice we were taking on board could no longer be taken seriously. Is this what I had paid for? To be dismantled daily? Enough. This moment of no return could have gone two ways but thanks to some real, genuine advice from a previous bootcamper, I changed my personal strategy and the direction of the team.

With less than 20 hours to go, we threw out all of the great but slow work we had done thus far. With a fresh new perspective and a reinvigorated leader, we created a completely new business that ticked all the boxes for us to finish the week with a complete product and all the trimmings. We pitched our new incomplete draft to a room of five mentors and teachers the day before our final Demo Day and…they loved it. We were finally on to something. Was it a product any of us would ever bring to market? I don’t think so. But it did teach us all an invaluable lesson on how much we can achieve when we focus and work together. It also taught me to listen to my gut instinct and question people’s intentions much earlier. Not all that glitters is gold (no matter how impressive the resume).

The day after the bootcamp wrapped up, an unofficial, non-compulsory event was added to the schedule. It was a “Fail Night”, an event where guests were invited to come and discuss a time in their entrepreneurial journey where they failed or experienced failure and could share what they learnt. I was tired, exhausted and not sure if I wanted another evening inside the MIT campus but these opportunities don’t come along every day, so I pulled myself together and got out of the cab with everyone else.

I sat and listened to an array of bootcampers, teachers, and mentors tell their stories of failure and fuck ups. For the first time this week, they revealed a different side to themselves. It was a side of rawness and vulnerability. Drawings on the chalkboard grew as each speaker added a new perspective from their own experience. I noticed something interesting forming on the board and my heart began to pound. Finally another speaker got up from the audience and added the missing piece in this complex venn diagram. Once drawn, the final circle revealed the ‘Ikigai’ model or as previously discussed on this site, your ‘reason for being; the thing that gets you up in the morning’.

The passion that had burned inside of me prior to coming to bootcamp had lit up once again. I felt moved that not only was someone else aware of this way of life but that it had manifested right in front of my eyes. Without knowing about it directly; the whole room had contributed to it. The collective consciousness caught my breath and I knew right away that I must get up and say something.

For the first time this week, my heart began to race and my anxiety levels were through the roof. It was an unfamiliar feeling as I had felt relatively comfortable in my role as ‘hustler’ navigating through moments of extreme extroversion, public pitches, and large audiences. I took the watching faces through my bootcamp experience; how strange it was to be ok with being a University drop out in the initial interview, the high of getting accepted into the course, the creation of this very site where I found solace in the ‘Ikigai’ model myself, the reality of coming to bootcamp and having a really amazing and occasionally shit time, the intimate moments of meeting some truly mind blowing people, and now; a moment of wonderful clarity, purpose and understanding.

I had come to MIT to learn how to reconnect people with themselves and each other. Throughout the week perhaps I was searching and straining in all the wrong places. The greatest connection was around me the entire time. The people, the network, the global diversity; it was endless, nurturing, inspiring. I walk away from this week, not with a go-to-market product. I have been gifted something much more valuable. I walk away with lifelong friendships, priceless business connections, a selective group of wise mentors and most of all, a burning desire to continue to work on my true passion regardless of its ability to be commoditised.

I will dedicate my life to bringing us closer, making us all more vulnerable, understanding the value of emotional and social intelligence and connecting with each other on and offline as much as possible. I met people that I will do future business with, that I will have long lasting relationships with, that I will change the world with, that will inspire me daily, that will support me unconditionally, that will open my heart and expand my mind, and that will forever and ever be connected to me via this crazy, wild and emotional bootcamp experience.

You can’t say you know me…until you know that I survived MIT Entrepreneurship Bootcamp and came out the other side more happier and connected than ever.

B x

Festival of Dangerous Ideas

July 13, 2016July 13, 2016Leave a comment

In 2015 I came across an email that was sprucing tickets to an intriguing event called the Festival of Dangerous Ideas. Being the eternal rebel that I am, it was obvious that I was drawn to the mere concept of this yet unknown event. With a bit of online research, I uncovered what was soon to be a monumental moment in my thus far, frustratingly constructed life. The bill for this festival was a melting pot of overarching, ethically debated, boundary pushing global topics that brought me instant spouts of joy as I plugged in my preferences for a festival multi-pack (very well priced, if you were wondering).

I chose sessions that were either close to my jaded heart or high up in my fiery pit of societal passions. It landed here:

Incarceration – a VICE panel on the broken and shameful business that is, our national prison system.
Big Sugar – a look into the ‘new tobacco’; the industry, the lax government regulation and the frightening health and addictive effects of this tasty, tasty treat.
Ceasefire on Drugs – Johann Hari champions the factual campaign of legalisation and re-engagement programs for illicit drugs in lieu of the 100 year failed drug war.
The New Satirists – a real shits ‘n’ giggles session with some of Australia’s best satirists, easy laughs at serious issues to lighten the often heavy festival tone.
Bad Education – a philosophical view of the perhaps not-fit-for-purpose, modern education system. Basically all I heard was, “exams are unnecessary”.
Dying Europe – a sneak peak into the global dilemmas and impacts of the European Union. No, at this point, there wasn’t any forethought that the UK would be exiting!

I booked some cheap flights up to Sydney, stayed in a surprisingly lovely hostel on/at/in (?!) The Rocks and had one of the best educational moments OF.MY.LIFE.

What I listened to and pondered over the next few days, quite simply, blew my world apart. I was fascinated, interested, passionate, and obsessed in a way that I had never been before. Why didn’t I learn about these things in school? Why was I finally learning about things that seemed more important than the crap I had been force fed in the media? My mind had been yearning for a different, more truthful learning experience and at 30 years of age, I had finally found it. It was these sessions that would grow me as a human being, as a global citizen, and as a person that was not constructed from an outdated manual. I remembered to think and critique objectively.

Look, anyway, what I’m getting at is that FODI is an amazing experience. It is back on this year at the amazing Sydney Opera House, a location which really adds to the enormity of the ideas exploding within it. If you are in the area or can get to Sydney during the weekend of the 3rd and 4th of September, then I implore you to choose some subjects close to you heart or otherwise, put your ego back on the bottom shelf and call yourself to action during and post these sessions.

Some interesting sessions this year include; A.C. Grayling’s ‘Closing the Modern Mind’, India’s Age of Extremism, Open the Borders, Apple vs The FBI, Legalise Drugs in Sport (with Stephen Dank yikes!), The Asian Arms Race, Not Worth Living, Gender Doesn’t Matter, The Bamboo Ceiling, US Politics: Even Worse Than It Looks, Stop Fishing the High Seas, Why Don’t We Want To Talk About The Arts, Break a Rule a Day, I Was A Human Guinea Pig, Why Black Lives Matter, Freaks Like Me…and many, many more!!!

Head to Festival of Dangerous Ideas for information and ticketing.

Your future self thanks you.

A LIFE WITH PURPOSE

Category: What the World Needs